When I have a day that I feel healthy – the way I used to feel on most days – I feel like a superhero. I don’t even have to feel 100%. Ninety percent will do.
On those days, I get an urge to do everything. All the things I couldn’t do on those other days when I wasn’t feeling well. Sometimes I don’t get a day like this for a few weeks. If I overdo things, I can crash and burn for days afterward. But it’s hard to resist.
Trying to get through the days that I feel crappy is frustrating. Any day can bring all sorts of ups and downs, and when I have to experience those in addition to a whole smorgasbord of symptoms, it’s…draining.
But then I have my superhero days. I am ecstatic when I wake up and I have no (or little) physical unpleasantness or pain going on, my brain seems to be functioning reasonably well, and I’m not tired.
Every small thing in the world is vivid to me at those times. A hawk on a tree. The bug that likes to hang out with me. A soft pillow. A spreadsheet. It feels like I will never take “normal” for granted again.
As much as I want to shuck this chronic illness, I can’t help but give a little appreciation for yet another life lesson that has been foisted upon me. I didn’t want it to happen this way, but would I have realized how good those healthy days were if I hadn’t gotten sick? I’m not sure.