When normal isn’t normal anymore

When I have a day that I feel healthy – the way I used to feel on most days – I feel like a superhero. I don’t even have to feel 100%. Ninety percent will do.

On those days, I get an urge to do everything. All the things I couldn’t do on those other days when I wasn’t feeling well. Sometimes I don’t get a day like this for a few weeks. If I overdo things, I can crash and burn for days afterward. But it’s hard to resist.

 

responsibility12alternate

Trying to get through the days that I feel crappy is frustrating. Any day can bring all sorts of ups and downs, and when I have to experience those in addition to a whole smorgasbord of symptoms, it’s…draining.

But then I have my superhero days. I am ecstatic when I wake up and I have no (or little) physical unpleasantness or pain going on, my brain seems to be functioning reasonably well, and I’m not tired.

Every small thing in the world is vivid to me at those times. A hawk on a tree. The bug that likes to hang out with me. A soft pillow. A spreadsheet. It feels like I will never take “normal” for granted again.

As much as I want to shuck this chronic illness, I can’t help but give a little appreciation for yet another life lesson that has been foisted upon me. I didn’t want it to happen this way, but would I have realized how good those healthy days were if I hadn’t gotten sick? I’m not sure.

9c5553a9065f15194e2a0851b074962a

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s