What have I been up to in the three months since I last posted here? Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to write about, and other times I feel like I have too many things and can’t choose one.
So, here’s a summary:
My health has been up and down, as usual, but some of the neurological problems from EBV and CFS have faded, which is good. Still taking a large-ish dose of antivirals, still waiting to see if I can truly recover. I no longer need to wear sunglasses in the grocery store on the days when I get out of the house, so I count that as a win.
My husband and I moved three weeks ago. The house is beautiful, and we love the neighborhood and neighbors. Being in such a nice place makes my home-bound days more enjoyable, or at least more tolerable.
My family is right nearby, and they’ve been helping out a lot. My husband is his usual amazing self. Our friends are still pretty close, and we are so lucky to have them. My father-in-law has had a recurrence of cancer, which was not the news we were hoping for after his scans. He is having surgery as I write this. We’re just waiting for each new bit of news to see how things go.
Work-wise, I feel rather stagnant. I have lots and lots of opportunities, but my health is still wildly unpredictable, so I can’t take on much in terms of contract work. I’ve enjoyed doing a bit of mini-consulting and occasional volunteer project for small nonprofits and businesses, but I’d like to do so much more.
Making stuff has kept me going lately (in addition to family and friends). I picked up crochet again last winter, and there’s rarely been a day since then that I haven’t crocheted or at least dreamed about yarn. I can crochet while on the sofa, and it doesn’t require the mental agility and stamina that regular work does. I’ve sold a handful of things at a couple of local stores, and most of my holiday gifts were handmade.
So, all in all, things are good. They’re just not progressing at the speed I’d like them to. My crochet projects keep me occupied and somewhat sane, but I’m still sick (well, not sick—just in a hypometabolic state that is similar to hibernation but feels a lot like being sick). It feels a bit like I’m going through life on a treadmill instead of on a path, getting somewhere. I’m not where I was hoping I’d be at this point, but I suppose that’s the way life is. We never know how things will turn out for us.
I have to remember that: I don’t know how things will turn out. On the days when I don’t feel like I’ll ever get better or that they’ll never find a proper treatment for CFS, I have to remember that I don’t know the future.
And all of these little projects that seem pointless, irrelevant, and a little frivolous—they might add up to something. For now, they’re keeping me relatively happy, busy, and relaxed so I can go about this business of getting un-sick.
Here’s a sampling of things I crocheted or sewed in 2016. When I put them all it one place, it feels a little more like an accomplishment.